Which was fun, I have been going for just over a year now, and am totally loving it. For a couple of hours a fortnight I can forget everything, but just keeping me heels down and rising and falling in time with the horse. I don't need to think about the amount of homework I have, grades, UCAS, University, EPQ, and any of that. I don't need to worry about it all. Nothing matter except getting the best out of your horse. 

It's been a long week, definitely more tiring than last week. And I have a lot more homework than I did last weekend, so it looks like I am not going to be getting much of a rest. But I guess that's the price I will have to pay for wanting to continue on education. I want to get a good job. I want to make a difference. And to do that I will have to get good grades. And go to university. 

But lately I have been wondering, what exactly is it I want to do with my life. I mean I know I want to be an author. But that isn't really a practical career plan. So what am I going to do?? 

All I seem to be doing is school work, and there really doesn't seem to be an end to it. Just when I think I have finished, I get loads more. 

And so I'm sorry I haven't posted much, but thats the way it goes right? 

Yesterday I was working till gone 7, and I never do that. Evenings are my time. But not this week.

Yesterday was a bad day, in many ways. 

Firstly, I had to go into the sixth form for the morning, and that was hell from beginning to end. 

I went to the Admin desk, and had to pick up a form to apply to the Bursery for this year, I certainly hope I get it, because I do need the money. Anyway the Head of the new Year 12, last years Head of Year 13, asked to speak to me, and the PA for the Director said that there were only 2 subjects on my timetable; History and Geography A2. That confused me, because I said last year that I would be taking AS Sociology. The PA said she would put it on the timetable, providing it didn't clash. That worried me; I had made sure in May that it wouldn't. 

Then I had to speak to Mr H, because I was only doing 3 subjects and wouldn't be leaving at the end of the year with 3 A level equivalents. So I told him that I was planning to do A2 Sociology privately. This he didn't like, saying it wasn't correct, because it was showing favoritism, and a load of other crap. 

Well, anyway, I left telling the Director that I would be doing it, no matter what he said. Though I got so angry I could hit the guy. He was being really horrid, and telling me how he didn't think...bla bla bla...well what did it matter what he thought, it is up to me and my teacher right? 

So, I came home, and I was mad enough to spit feathers. I told my Mum, Nan and Grandad, and they were also angry about the whole thing, because I had been planning to do this since February, I know what I am doing. I am prepared for the extra work, and stress and everything, and I think that I can cope. 

My cousin rung up later, and I was speaking to her about the whole thing. Then I spoke to her Mum, because I have been having family problems, you see my Mum has got this boyfriend, which I was okay with, when he was treating her right. But he isn't any longer, and she is confused, and angry, and hurt, and simply doesn't know what to do. And I don't know what to say, because as a daughter I can see why she keeps holding out and hoping that things will get better, Because Dick hurt her, and Ric was so lovely to begin with, taking her out and buying her flowers, but now, she barely features in his life. Yet she won't let him go, but nor will she phone him, or ask him out. 

And so as a friend, I just want her to let go now, because I don't want him to hurt her anymore than he has already. 

Anyway my cousin's Mum was on the phone to me for nearly half an hour, and she told me that I just need to talk to Mum, and tell her how I feel. That my Mum will be stronger because of it all, that she has got her life back now, and that he has helped her. But mainly she just helped me stop worrying about my Mum. Because like she said, I have to be an adult now, and because my Mum talks to me about these things and not others it means that it is harder for me. And she is right. Because Coyle is never there for her, and she won't talk to Nan and Grandad, doesn't worry about them, and though she does talk to her friends, she doesn't tell them everything like she does me. 

Anyway, at the end of the day it got too much for me, and I just cried myself to sleep, angry at God for not letting happiness into our family...